A View From the Cheap Seats

May 14, 2008

Hail the Chief, and Hope


By Rich Trzupek

It would seem that we have elected our next President, albeit that we still have to go through the formalities of November. Barack Obama would not have been my first choice, nor my second. Come to think of it, he would have ranked somewhere between Ralph Malph from Happy Days and Mr. Haney from Green Acres, but here we are, with a New President, who has New Ideas and it’s time to get with The Program.

And The Program is about Believing In Something. It’s about Healing. And, most of all, it’s about Hope. Not just any kind of hope, mind you, but Audacious Hope. Get rid of that Ludicrous Hope, America. Shed your Atrocious Hope. Forget your Obnoxious Hope. We WILL be Healed. We CAN Believe. Together, we MUST Change, if only we have the audacity to –

(well, you know)

Let us pray…

I Hope that President Obama does not sneer at capitalism, but rather embraces it. I Hope that he doesn’t really Believe that we would be better off if pharmaceutical companies didn’t make a profit, or if less-fortunate Americans didn’t have access to the less-expensive commodities that come with free trade, because I Believe that when you combine protectionism with socialism, you’re pretty much getting the worst of both worlds.

I Hope that the future First Lady, Michelle Obama, can put aside the self-loathing she expresses time and again for daring to have middle class roots and for having worked for corporate America, for I Believe that a great many of us in the middle class kind of depend of corporate America to put food on the table, and I further Believe that – while it would be Absolutely Fabulous if we could all be community activists as Ms. Obama wishes – somebody needs to actually generate the money that community activists spend.

I Hope that our future Greatest President in the History of Presidents can base his foreign policy on what he believes is right, not on what the rest of the world thinks of us, for I Believe that all of this talk about “the rest of the world hating us” is about as relevant as a condom dispenser in a convent. I Believe that you do what is right, because it’s right, not because it’s popular, and I Hope that this particular “Parenting 101” lesson is required reading for anyone who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

I Hope that I can somehow arrange to bowl against Oprah’s Anointed for money, for, while I’m nobody’s Earl Anthony (hell, I’m not even anyone’s Carmen Salvino), I’ll put up at least one of my stepsons on my ability to top Obama’s score of 37 (achieved during a recent “hey look, I’m a regular guy!” media shoot), for I Believe that a blind, drunk, arthritic Bassett Hound could beat that.


I Hope that The Chosen One is kidding when he says he wants to negotiate with thugs like Hamas and Iran’s theocracy, for I Believe that legitimizing liars and murderers will cause more misery, for more people, than almost anything else he could do.

I Hope that Hollywood’s Darling is able to shed his poorly-concealed disdain for Israel, for I Believe that every dollar spent in supporting our most loyal ally in the world’s most troubled region is an investment returned many times over, in terms of support, in terms of a military presence to counter-balance the crazies and in terms of intelligence that has saved countless lives.

I Hope that America’s Savior can forget his roots in Chicago politics and can ignore the siren’s call of hucksters like Tony Rezko, Emil Jones and Jessie Jackson Jr., to whom he owes so much, for I Believe that nowhere is “politics as usual” quite so “as usual” as it is in the Windy City.

I am not sure what to Hope when it comes to His Eminence’s sordid history with the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Should I Hope that He was asleep in church for the past twenty years, when Wright was preaching, as the good Reverend was espousing separation and hatred as part of a race-centered “theology” that made persecution, conspiracy and bitterness the focal point of his teaching?

Or, should I Hope that this was all His bad dream somehow, and that Our Hero has now awakened, a modern-day Dorothy, only to realize that all of his pre-conceptions were wrong and He now knows what truly matters? I don’t Believe that I can figure this one out. Politicians, more than anyone, are judged by the company they keep. This one, albeit that He is The One, has shown spectacularly bad judgment at the very least, or incredible arrogance and cynicism at the worst.

And so a brave new world awaits.

I Hope that it’s a happy one.

But I Believe that we’re in for some rough times.

And I Hope that, whatever happens, I will be able to find comfort by buying a gun and going to church.




  1. Great Post!

    Godfather (theslowbleed.com)

    Comment by Godfather — May 14, 2008 @ 9:29 am | Reply

  2. I hope the Good Lord answers your prayer Rich, but I’m afraid we’re getting a glossier-packaged James Earl Carter. That would be very bad, very bad indeed.

    Comment by Wild Bill — May 14, 2008 @ 2:17 pm | Reply

  3. I just read your column in the South Elgin Examiner. Your esteemed position of opinionator in a free small-town newspaper gives you great insight. It also gives you an obnoxious tendency to capitalize different words for some type of emphasis. Nice English. Why don’t you try some italics or quote marks or something. Or is this your cute ee cummings-like style.

    Now, on to your opinions, insights and “hopes.” I’ll start from the end. My perception is that you imply your going to lose your ability to own and use a gun and, therefore, have an inability to find comfort if Obama is elected. Nice. Most people take comfort in soft blankets, maybe a leather couch, or even a loving companion. You obviously take comfort in a gun. You also are implying that you may not be able to take comfort in attending church. What, so Obama is going to take away your freedom of religion, too? I’m certainly surprised you didn’t suggest he was going to shove the Koran down your throat.

    So, you believe we’re in for some rough times? That’s the same thing blind ideologues like you said in 1992 when the last Democratic president was elected. How were the ’90s for you? Pretty rough? Let me just do a brief, general review of the good times we’ve had over the last seven years. It started with a president and staff ignoring the advice of experts and specific threats of terrorism so they were literally sitting on their butts when 3,000 innocent people were slaughtered on 9/11. Good time for you? It continued with a wonderful scheme of deception to send young men and women into a war in Iraq. Have you been having a good time with that? And, your meager tax cut? The 3,000 families of dead soldiers and the tens of thousands of seriously injured and their families are just beaming at their good fortune, I’m sure. It’s continued on with a 200 percent increase in the price of gas and just a 100 percent increase in the price of oil in 365 days. Comfortable yet? I won’t go on . . . although the list is endless, with such delights as torture, felonious crime and the shredding of the constitution and the rule of law. It ends with all the “for sale” signs in your neighborhood. But hey!

    I could spend many more words on every detail of your ridiculous column/post. I won’t. I can only say that I Hope you’re taking comfort tonight — with a loaded pistol under your pillow in the mansion on the hill you’ve bought because you voted for Mr. Haney.

    Comment by BlackshirtDaddy — May 14, 2008 @ 7:36 pm | Reply

  4. Looks like Blackshirt Daddy needs a lesson in both foriegn affairs and economics.

    First, oil is high because of the demand worldwide, including the explosive growth in India and China. We haven’t built a refinery in this country since 1976. We have over 37 different blends of gasoline in the summer, so old refineries need to be retro-fitted to make these blends. This causes anywhere from a 7-15% down time in refineries, causing supply problems. We have technologies to extract oil from shale in the Badlands and in ANWR, but environmental phonies raise hell and liberals decide not to drill fro more oil. Menawhile Cuba is letting China drill sideways for oil on the Gulf Coast that we should be using.

    As for the terrorist attacks on 9-11, it took 5-7 years to plan. Bush wasn’t in the WH when this took place and thanks to his former National security Advisor, Sandy “Burglar” Berger who took documents out ot the National Archives and destroyed them, we will never know how complicent Mr. Clinton was. Perhaps if Senator torricelli’s bill that pretty much gutted undercover intelligence because we sometimes dealt with nasty people to get the goods on other nasties, we may have avoided a war in Iraq.

    As for home foreclosures, that’s not the government’s fault. People should take responsibility for their own finances and not overextend because some mortgage broker tells them they can afford a $550m home. Perhaps a lesson in Common Sense would be the solution for this.

    Anyway, you can continue living in your fantasy world where Barack and his people know what’s best for you. I’ll continur to vote for those individuals that believe the voters control their own destiny, not Washington. Enjoy your Frappucino and your NYT crossword puzzle.

    Comment by Wild Bill — May 15, 2008 @ 1:46 pm | Reply

  5. Mr. Bill, Your foolish post shows why you and your ilk are going down like the Titanic. Economics and foreign affairs lessons? That’s the last thing I or anyone needs from “Great Americans” like you. Your foreign affairs education is coming from Fox News. Your economics knowledge allows for $550 MILLION homes. Stop copying and pasting your posts from neoconservative web sites that don’t spell check, unless of course you are coming up with the wonderful typos yourself. If that’s the case then . . .

    . . . go back to school. While you’re boning up on English, maybe you can come up with a renewable source of energy instead of a tired argument over drilling. Your gig is up on this one. Ask the British what happens when you hang onto a tired energy source.

    And, be a man and take some responsibility for something. You voted for Mr. Haney and he failed. Those who bombed the WTC in ’93 are in jail. The terrorist who bombed the Federal Building in Oklahoma City was executed. Tell me where Bush’s Bin Laden is at? And, let me know how the search for the anthrax killer is going. And, oh how about Mullah Omar? Or al-Zawahari? Gee. Can’t find ’em? All the masterminds, still minding the master. You probably couldn’t even name the President of Iraq. DON’T look it up before you reply.

    You’re also dead wrong on the foreclosure mess. “For Sale” signs in the neighborhood don’t just mean everyone is in foreclosure. It means people can’t sell their homes, you freakin’ idiot. However, the lack of regulation on predatory corporations due to the stripping down of agencies into incompetent organizations is the direct result of incompetent government. It’s called GEORGE BUSH government. And, they should take that responsibility. They certainly took responsibility with my tax dollars for Bear Sterns. Did Bear Sterns take responsibility for its own financial mess?

    You’re a dying breed, Mr. Bill. Your pathetic reference to frappucinos and the NYT crossword puzzle proves it. Thanks for the lesson, you elitist. And, Happy November!

    Comment by BlackshirtDaddy — May 15, 2008 @ 10:12 pm | Reply

  6. Looks like Mr. BlackShirt
    Daddy once again got his marching orders from The Daily Kos. I don’t watch Foxnews nor do i go on to any website for my information. It’s called doing my own research. People are losing their homes because they bit off more than they can chew. As for bin Laden, he’s hiding in a cave. Why did Mr. Clinton wait two years after WTC ’93 to talk to his CIA director? Why didn’t Bill Clinton accept numerous offers by Sudan to hand over Bin Laden? It’s because Clinton and Gore that it was a ‘police” action, not a terrorist one. That information ‘daddio, comes from the LA Times in december of 1996. Look it up if you dare. I also noticed i schooled your bad-self on energy, but that was easy. You can keep on playing with your George Soros dolls and hanging with Markos to recieve your talking points.

    The fact that your resorting to name-calling and trying to use “rapier-like” wit shows that you can’t effectively make an argument. If I want to have a duel of wits with a 6 year old, I’ll battle my son. You on the other hand are nothing more than a vapid viceroy of verbosity from the exttreme left. Enjoy your frappucino and your NYT cross-word puzzle today.

    By the way daddio, Jalal Talabani is the Presdent of Iraq. That was done without a google search genius. Now you can go back to sleep.

    Comment by Wild Bill — May 16, 2008 @ 7:43 am | Reply

  7. Dear Daddio,

    I apologize. I underestimated the economic illiteracy of youself and others. So for you, class is now is session. Oil is a commodity. The price is set by futures traders who anticipate future amounts of supply. Oil price is not determined bu CURRENT supply, but by FORECAST supply. As soon as ANWR drilling were to be announced, future supply estimates would increase, price would decrease. The very same day. Here’s a couple of other considerations for you. Did you know that at $125 a barrel, oilf from ANWR would REDUCE the amount of foreign oil Americans purchas by $125 MILLION every DAY? And, did you know the OMB estimated the taxes generated to the fed govt by ANWR would be between $150 – $240 BILLION dollars? But hey, don’t become informed. Go back to your cartoons, something you claim to know about.
    No! No! No! Not God D*** America! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!

    Comment by Wild Bill — May 16, 2008 @ 1:14 pm | Reply

  8. Mr. Bill,

    You’ve been spending all day thinking and writing. Good for you.

    Since you attacked me first, I’ll finish. Your economics lessons weren’t solicited. The only fact I need and price you pay is $4 per gallon. And, I’m certain you got Talabani off the top of your head. LMAO. You’d be the first right wing sheep to do it.

    Oh yeah, and Bill Clinton did it all. You’d blame Michaelangelo for a spilled bucket of paint in your garage tomorrow just to shirk responsibility. Take some, some time. You’ll become a real man for it.

    Now, I must admit. You got me on the cartoons comment. Something I claim to know about? Hmmm? I missed that claim. You’re reaching for air on that one.

    You’re just a “Great American,” Mr. Bill, watching Fox News all day long. Take a break from that, as well as looking in the dictionary for your word selection. You should only use the dictionary to learn how to spell, instead of trying to be an energy expert. Talk about a six-year-old. Mine spelled and typed better than you.

    I just have two more words for you: GEORGE BUSH!

    No, make that two more. Good bye.

    Comment by BlackshirtDaddy — May 16, 2008 @ 3:45 pm | Reply

  9. Yada yada yada……right wing sheep

    Yada, yada yada………watch Fox news

    yada yada yada……… George Bush

    If you were the President of your debate team, then I’m sure you had a perfect, winless season.

    I’m sure I’ll see you during the rare time I visit McDonald’s and purchase a Big Mac. Don’t forget this time to to leave the French Fries in the bag.

    Comment by Wild Bill — May 20, 2008 @ 10:04 am | Reply

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