A View From the Cheap Seats

November 7, 2007

All Shook Up

Filed under: Abortion,Geese,National — trzupek @ 3:30 pm
Tags: , ,


By Rich Trzupek

Allow me to offer the one foolproof solution to the goose overpopulation problem: we should register each and every goose as a Republican voter. Once that happens Congress won’t waste a moment declaring year-round open season on goose hunting. Viola! Problem solved.

Alas, it is unlikely that we will adopt such a common sense solution. Genius is a lonely burden to bear.

Still we have to figure something out. Geese are out of control and annoying as hell. At least they’re annoying the hell out of me and it is, to be sure, all about me.

I grind my teeth into nubs every time I have to come to a screeching halt on a busy street, waiting for the feathered parade to slowly saunter across the roadway. If they can’t learn to cross at the light, is it really too much trouble to ask them to utilize the one gift that God bestowed on the slobs: their ever-lovin’ wings?

The damn birds don’t even have to be physically present to annoy. On the golf course, I’ve had to carefully clear out a path in a minefield of goose poop on the green more than once. I’m not blaming my abysmal short game on the things, but I hit the links largely to get away from the crap life has to offer, not to immerse myself in it.

You might think that I’ve spent too much time thinking about geese lately, and you’d be entirely correct. Senility sets in early in the Trzupek clan. Might as well embrace it. But it gets worse.

For thinking about the goose problems leads me to think about the solutions that have been proposed to solve it. The obvious answer, extending the goose-hunting season and increasing limits, is always rejected. That solution, for some, is “inhumane.”

There is one accepted, “humane” solution among the people who worry about these things: egg shaking. For those unfamiliar with the concept, egg-shaking is a four-step process: 1.) Find goose eggs. 2.) Pick up goose eggs. 3.) Shake goose eggs. 4.) Hold funeral for dead geese.

Why in the world, I wondered, is this method of killing geese acceptable, while blasting them with a 12-gauge is verboten? And then the answer hit me so clearly: it’s because we don’t have to look at any dead geese.

Can it be anything else? The geese are just as dead. In one case, we have a carcass. In the other, the dead goose is neatly contained within a shell, where no one has any visual evidence of the death. We can even convince ourselves that it wasn’t a goose at all. Maybe it was just a pre-embryonic mass of cells. Nobody knows. Nobody will ever know, so who cares?

This is, of course, the logic of abortion. Unfortunately, humans don’t conveniently produce babies in hard-shelled eggs. The female equivalent is the womb, where development is hidden from view. We can’t see what goes on there, so many people are able to convince themselves that it doesn’t matter.

People who support abortion say it’s about “a woman’s right to privacy,” but that’s simply rationalization. A woman’s privacy safeguards abortion supporters’ ignorance. They don’t have to think about what’s happening in the womb because they’ve convinced themselves that it doesn’t matter.

We know this because the Pro Choice crowd goes ballistic whenever Pro Lifers show what happens inside the womb. Pro Choice advocates say that pictures of embryos and partial birth abortions are inflammatory-that they prey on frail human emotions.

I don’t get it. Why doesn’t the visual evidence matter? If an aborted fetus looks like “this,” then we should be able to deal with that visual evidence. That’s reality. Hiding from the evidence, wherever it leads, is the height of intellectual dishonesty.

This is not to suggest that we should not have sympathy for the young mother in trouble, and the unwed mother who made a mistake. How could we not feel for them? But it’s not an either/or equation. We’re allowed to care about both the mother and the child. Pretending that the child doesn’t exist, because we can not see him or her, is the moral equivalent of sticking one’s head in the sand.

Nobody wants to support death, obviously. So, in order to avoid that, people create an alternate reality where death doesn’t happen, even when it does. Shake an egg, or abort a fetus, people convince themselves that life never existed in the first place. It’s a convenient rationalization, even if it’s not rational logic at all.

It’s simple evidence, and nothing else. A dead goose is a dead goose, whether we can see a corpse or not. And an aborted fetus is every bit as dead as an infant who gets tossed in a dumpster. Pretending that there’s a difference doesn’t solve any problems, it only diminishes us.



  1. Have you ever read Rowe v. Wade? I ask because you clearly do not understand the privacy concerns. Disagreeing with the concerns is one thing, but not educating yourself on them, and misrepesenting them, “is the height of intellectual dishonesty.”

    And you also beg the question as to whether or not a fetus that can not live outside the womb is a “life,” as opposed to potential, but not actualized, life. Should a mother who smokes or drinks a bit during her pregnancy be subject to the same condemnation as the mother of a newborn who forces her baby to smoke or drink? Should a pill that prevents a fertilized egg from attaching the the uterine wall be outlawed?

    That said, I do agree that pro-choicers who “go ballistic” by showing what goes on inside the womb during the procedure are on the wrong side of that agrument. I guess one main issue where “pro lifers” get wrong they tend to think that life ends a birth, and are the same people trying to systematically dismantle all programs set up to assist young mothers.

    Remember, “every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. And if the sperm gets wasted, God gets quite irate.” So stop wanking and start thinking.

    Comment by joe blow — November 12, 2007 @ 5:08 pm | Reply

  2. Joe Blow, lighten up. Reading every response you post, I think you have a man crush on Mr. Trzupek. get a hobby, drink a beer, and go have some fun.

    Comment by Wild Bill — November 28, 2007 @ 3:18 pm | Reply

  3. It’s usually the other way around. Pro lifers go “ballistic” when they’re shown pictures of the fetuses they defend so ballistically that actually look nothing like human life.

    Other than that, you are right about goose poop being annoying and that “Meaning of Life” is a good movie for quoting.

    Comment by Scott Casper — January 21, 2008 @ 2:58 pm | Reply

  4. So we should be able to destroy California Condor Eggs (they don’t resemble condor life) with your reasoning, right Scott?

    Comment by Wild Bill — January 21, 2008 @ 3:20 pm | Reply

  5. Yeah, Bill. Because California condors and humans are EXACTLY the same, right down to the issues of overpopulation and free choice. And you insult MY intelligence, Bill?

    Comment by Scott Casper — January 22, 2008 @ 11:18 am | Reply

  6. Are you saying we should be like Communist China and decide what babies should be born and which shouldn’t? It’s illegal to destroy a condor egg, but it’s legal to take away an unborn life? Does the unborn have free choice Scott? Should you and your minions decide who should have babies?

    I saw both of my sons scans at 8 weeks and they did resemble a human being Scott. Your logic is extremely flawed, then again, you are a liberal.

    Comment by Wild Bill — January 22, 2008 @ 2:32 pm | Reply

  7. Let’s look at your overpopulation and free choice angles, Scott:

    1) If you want to approach abortion from an economic standpoint, please remember that each abortion is another taxpayer who will never be able to contribute to the economy. Remember that in China, abortions are forced, and women don’t get a choice at all. It seems heartless and ignorant to propose the killing of unborn children as a way to improve America’s economic status. Perhaps women who cannot care for their children should simply not open the door to pregnancy through sex.

    2) Free Choice: Every morning when I wake up, I make a choice to get dressed and go to work, accepting responsibility for everything that I do on a given day. But do I get to choose to drink a fifth of Vodka on my way out the door? Sure, but I also accept the responsibility for anyone I might injure and for the jail time I will most likely serve for driving drunk. We only get to make choices based on what only affects ourselves. Driving drunk affects everyone else on the road, and abortion affects the mother, the father and the unborn child. Why should the father of a baby and the child itself pay for a woman’s inability to take responsibility for her actions?

    I can go on if you’d like.

    Comment by Wild Bill — January 22, 2008 @ 3:11 pm | Reply

  8. I’m glad your sons looked like human beings to you at 8 weeks, Bill, but some people also think they see Jesus’s or Mary’s image in ordinary objects too.

    Overpopulation affects us all, not just people in China. Sure, it would go away if people stopped having sex, but since you’ve had two kids, Bill, I’m sure you understand that people en masse are not going to start giving up sex anytime soon. It’s just too good! So, sex is going to keep happening and babies will keep being born. No amount of abstinence programming in the world is going to change that.

    Now, I’m not advocating abortion as the solution to that problem. Convincing religious people to give up this notion that God has mandated them to “fill the Earth with people” is more important. Mission accomplished, congrats, move on. Making sure that contraceptives are universally available is much more important. But abortion needs to remain an option too, for couples who both agree (or women who are victimized alone) that this is how they want to solve the problem of an unplanned pregnancy.

    You can go on if you like, but I’m educating you, not vice versa.

    Comment by Scott Casper — January 28, 2008 @ 4:50 pm | Reply

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